That's intense
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
not ubering you a puppy
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
