using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize