I want you more than these girls want KFC
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Randomize
