He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
