im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
