my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
