i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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