the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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