I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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