I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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