It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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