I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
