Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
