I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
You were trust falling into bushes
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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