Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
