it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
We named our party play list daddy issues
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
