i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
