I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
