Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
