Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
