she was so not down for the gang bang
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I wish they made helmets for livers.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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