I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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