Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
