jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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