I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
