Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
time to smoke my breakfast
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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