Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
