i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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