I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
