Me too!
we're chasing vodka with high fives
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Randomize
