i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
