True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
