i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
