There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
