I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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