Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
