Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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