what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Randomize
