you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
