so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
