all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
