yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
