im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
