Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
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