yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize