Please, let me fuck your mom
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
