Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
