he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
