I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I'm passing your future prison.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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