Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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