He disabled his match.com account in front of me
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
