It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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