P.S. I can't hear my feet
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
