So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
