i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Randomize
