i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
