no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize
