I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
