That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
