i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I'm too high and old for this...
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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