P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
