I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
