FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
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