And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Randomize
