I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
