your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
