They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
