We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
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