I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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